Why groups always end up at the same safe restaurant

A bad night weighs more than a good one

In their 1979 paper on prospect theory, psychologists Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky showed that a loss weighs more than a gain of the same size. They studied it with students and university faculty choosing between gambles, not friends choosing a restaurant.

Still, the idea is easy to recognise. A new place could be wonderful, or it could be a letdown. If the letdown feels worse than the wonderful night feels good, the familiar place starts to look like the sensible choice, even to people who would quite like to try something new.

Expecting regret changes the choice

Part of what makes choosing feel risky is that you might find out another option would have been better. Psychologist Marcel Zeelenberg reviewed a series of studies on gambles, shopping decisions and choices involving other people, and found that whether people expect to learn how the options they passed up would have turned out has a profound influence on what they choose. They anticipate the regret.

The same review found that expected regret can push people toward risk as well as away from it. So regret alone doesn't explain the usual place. What it may help explain is why choosing feels heavier when you'll learn how the other options would have turned out.

Choosing for others is harder than choosing for yourself

Picking a restaurant for a group isn't the same as picking one for yourself. In a 2016 study, Mary Steffel, Elanor Williams and Jaclyn Perrmann-Graham found that people are more likely to hand a choice to someone else when it's made for other people than for themselves, especially when it could have negative consequences. The researchers found this was driven by a wish to avoid feeling responsible or being blamed.

That may sound like the group chat. Everyone waits for someone else to choose, and when somebody finally does, the choice that's hardest to blame them for is the place everyone has already been to.

The usual place is fine when the group chose it

None of this makes a favourite restaurant a bad choice. If the whole group loves it, going back is a pleasure. The problem is when the usual place wins by default: when nobody quite chose it, and nobody quite wanted it, but nobody wanted to be the one to suggest something else.

How to break the habit

• Ask everyone before anyone suggests. When each person says what they'd like first, the choice starts from the group, not from one brave suggestion.
• Make it the group's pick. A place the whole group voted for belongs to everyone, so nobody has to carry it alone.
• Put new places beside the usual. Let the favourite compete with two or three new options, rather than against an empty space.
• Share the choosing. Rotate who starts the plan, so the same person isn't always the one taking the risk.
• Agree that a miss is fine. Not every new place will be a hit. A group that laughs off a so-so dinner tries more good ones.

How MiBA helps

MiBA starts with the group, not with a suggestion. One person starts a gathering and shares one link. Everyone answers a few questions on their own: what they feel like eating, the vibe, the budget and what they don't eat. You see what the group would love only after you've answered, so nobody's first suggestion sets the direction. Your no's, your diet and your budget stay private.

MiBA ranks the places from the group's own answers, so the host chooses from that ranking rather than from a hunch. The host puts up to five on a short list, and the whole group votes. Then you get a link to book, and everyone hears where and when.

Group decisions. Sorted.